Tender Stories

At this point in human history, the question isn’t: Have you been impacted?

The question is: How much have you been impacted?

What I’ve actually started asking people is: How are you holding up?  

That gives the person I ask the opportunity to tell me what they want to tell me. Some said, “Fine,” and the conversation moved on. Some would share exactly what they were going through. In other words, they would show me their tender places, the wounds that were in various stages of healing.

Pain tells you where tending is necessary. When you tell a story or hear a story that contains pain, it is reminding you to be tender with yourself and others.

You decide what you’re available for.

It’s possible that you aren’t currently available to read these stories. Maybe you’re already using all your emotional capacity in a situation which is still unfolding, and in the little free time you have left, you’re only in the mood for light-hearted stories. That’s completely valid. Maybe you have recently weathered similar experiences, and with those memories so fresh, you are feeling too tender to revisit these now. That’s also completely valid.

You know your needs best. If you aren’t available for someone else’s tender stories right now, I support your clarity, and I cheer you on as you take care of your needs.

When I share one of my tender stories here, it means that I have learned to carry it.

Here, I only share stories that I have already integrated. In case you haven’t seen it before, here’s the Shelbish definition of integrate:

integrate: (verb) to re-weave your own frayed threads by investing time, energy, and emotional capacity into understanding how your experiences fit into your life story.

Read more on integrate here.

This means I do not require you to tend me through the tough events I described. I’ve already I’ve walked through these experiences with my loved ones and given myself the care I need. Even though some of the events I describe unraveled me at the time, I’ve rewoven the loose threads back into greater understanding.

So, when you read one of these stories, you only need to consider ways to give yourself the care that you need.

Tender Stories Demonstrate that Tough Times Are Navigable.

My intention in using my own tender stories is to this: Even if you’re in the murky middle of your own life, or you’re trying to make sense of recent events, you can gain a perspective that will guide you to a better place—one day and one decision at a time.