Emotional capacity is a renewable resource. 

When I recognized this well enough to articulate it, I came up with the Renewing Calm collection.

When you are doing anything, you are working within your emotional capacity.

I don’t think we talk about this enough, particularly right now. 

Everyone I know is going through something major in their lives—in addition to the pandemic, in addition to the racial reckoning taking place, in addition to all other shifts happening in our culture. And when I talk to strangers in my travels, I hear much of the same. 

I have been reminding as many people as I can: 

You may be at your emotional capacity. It’s okay to be gentle with yourself.

Your emotional capacity is your responsibility—not like an extra chore, but as in, your ABILITY to RESPOND.

Working within your emotional capacity helps you handle what’s in front of you in accordance with your own values, and giving yourself permission to step back when you know you need it helps you stay there.

Once you start to work with your own capacity and recognize the times you need to replenish, you’ll start to notice when other people are at their limits. For example, about a week ago, I was in an artist collective, buying a gift I would give to my aunt a few days later. The shopkeeper asked me where I was headed next. I was honest and matter-of-fact, saying, “I’m going to San Antonio to see my grandmother, on my mom’s side. She had her last rites read to her yesterday.”

The shopkeeper quickly shut down the conversation, finished the transaction, and ushered me out of the store. (In all fairness, it was the shop’s closing time.)

He didn’t express any sympathy—just the need for distance. And I actually didn’t mind.

I could tell by his response that he was at his emotional capacity, so he didn’t have any sympathy to spare for me. It’s quite possible that he was in the process of losing someone too and he was afraid if he engaged emotionally with my situation, he would break down in front of a stranger.

You can’t choose what you’re dealt, but based on how much emotional capacity you already have in that moment, you can choose what else to take on. If you don’t have enough, you can renew your emotional capacity and then come back. 

For example, if I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with whatever may be waiting for me social media, I don’t log on. This may be a bold move, but I have resolved to show up to social media as my kindest self.

If I don’t have it in me, like after a tough week, I take responsibility for what I’m feeling and decide what I can handle.

I step away.

I digest.

I renew my emotional capacity (again, see Renewing Calm collection for details).

After that, I return—and apparently, I also tell you ALL about it.