It troubles me when people talk about being emotionally invested as a problem. As in, “She’s not thinking clearly, poor thing—she’s emotionally invested.”
This isn’t necessarily true. What being emotionally invested really means is that YOU CARE.
Caring about something tends to be part of the solution to any problem.
Earlier in the week, I talked about emotional capacity. It’s a renewable resource, and eventually you’ll need to replenish. So, it’s useful to use your emotional capacity for what you actually care about.
So, when I perform an action that I know will take from my overall capacity, I think of it as an emotional investment—as in, I am investing my emotions in this action, because it’s important to me. It may cost me something, but I am prepared for that and prepared to replenish afterwards.
Some quick examples of emotional investments from my life:
Most social media posts.
love to write. Sharing requires some of my emotional capacity—less than it used to, but still. This is the other reason I only share when I feel like I have something necessary to say.
All forms of racial reckoning.
There’s a lot to feel in this area, especially since it’s a highly charged topic. As a person with white privilege, making the emotional investment could be optional in my life, but it’s a required emotional investment for individuals with less racial privilege than me, which includes many people in the generations that follow mine (like readers and other young ones in my life). I make an emotional investment in order to take some of the burden off of them.
Visiting someone who is struggling.
Most recent example was visiting Grandma AJ with my mom and my aunt. The three of us talked openly about how difficult it was, and I was honest that it is harder for them than for me. But it was important to us that my grandmother knew she was loved. (FYI, it doesn’t have to be so dramatic—sometimes just having a heart-to-heart conversation with someone in pain can be an emotional investment. Relationships are built on such caring.)
Collective grief.
This includes the five breaths practice, especially on weeks when I have to do two so close together. But this practice helps me process emotions and therefore become safe for others, so it’s important to me.
On the other hand, you may be emotionally invested in things which aren’t really emotional investments you would prefer to make.
For example, I gain back a lot of emotional capacity when I remind myself to stop caring what people think of me.
If you are feeling like you’re at your emotional capacity (and maybe you’ve already tried replenishing), you might be able to expand it by checking in with yourself:
What am I making emotional investments in?
Are these really things I want to devote my emotional capacity to?